Pick through the coal to find the gold. It's obvious that portions of my blog posts are conditioned. I'm aware of that. I'm embodied. That's inevitable. You can't escape conditioning. This is your experiment and awareness is for you. Nothing that I ever write will be true for everyone at once. This is the reason people just post quotes and memes now. Quick homogenized statements get the attention of the not-self. Something that seems to ring so true can turn out to just validate an existing bias. So do your best to see that certain parts of my writing are conditioned energies that are expressing through me. I'm learning, as we all are. But I have no choice in the matter. Heightened awareness doesn't exalt you beyond others behaviorally. That's the joke. In other words, if you've detected bitterness, anger, frustration, disappointment, spite, violence, etc in my words in some of my blog posts you would be right. That doesn't make me wrong. I'm watching the movie just like you are. That's part of the joke. I get to watch how my system handles turbulence. It looks very different on the inside than it does to you, the external observer, on the outside. I see through humility, even when I'm ranting and raving. Try to see that humility is an internal process. It doesn't necessarily mean that your actions, words, and behaviors appear humble to others. I'm simply playing my role in this life just like you all are. I wish I could write for everyone at once, but it's mostly impossible frankly. This is why the real communion, the real connection in humans is one-on-one. Just me and you, alone... So I could actually convey something of meaning. So I could actually touch your soul. So I could speak directly to you. So I could show you what I see. So you could see that I see you deeply, and that my expressions online, or in public or otherwise are always colored and tainted by energies that aren't purely me. This is why one-on-one works. It's intimate. It's true communion. There's no agenda. It's just two people sharing what they see with each other. The third person changes that. The online platform changes that. The podcast recording or the video recording changes that. See the thing about podcasts that's so seductive is that often it's moonlighting two individuals talking seemingly without an agenda. It has a glow of communion to it. But as soon as you bring the camera in... You're not alone just you two anymore. For all intents and purposes, you've just brought the penta into the room. Now you're selling a product, a service/services, an idea, an agenda. Let me be clear that it's not a literal Penta, unless there's physically another person in that room (like the audio guy and/or the camera man- which is very common I might add). So what I'm saying is you're not watching what you think you're watching. You're not watching Joe Rogan and some professional badass guest cameo talk about things they "know about". You're watching two people talking within ambiguous restrictions (even when the talking appears to be free flowing and free of motives). You're actually watching a Penta, making money, off of your views. Your energetic investment. Your time. Your pledge. Ad revenue. Clicks. Monetization. All to hear them talk... The point is you've been duped to believe that you're a part of something outside of yourself. That's not you. You are completely you when you are alone. An absolute. And when you are with another you come into a shared reality with another, but you can still remain conscious of the separation between what is you and what is the other. In a group all of that goes out the window. Your awareness is gone. You become the group. I know this because I have a wide open G center. I've taken on the group identity when I've been a part of groups, specifically bands. It was an incredible and an amazing feeling really to direct so much energy that did not belong to me. I wasn't sure before HD whether it was coming from me or from the outside. I was just highly attuned to the chemical changes in my body in groups of people, specifically making music and engaging in sport. I wondered if everyone experiences that. They do, just not anything like how I experienced it. It's a tremendous amount of pressure for a mental projector to undergo, and if it's a dysfunctional Penta (has gaps) there is energy leakage, and it becomes physically and psychologically, and emotionally painful to be the conduit for such energy, especially when others are not aware that that is in fact what is objectively happening. It's nobody's fault. These are the mechanics. I know the group energy intimately. I feel the identity of the group. I become the instrument to push this energy to the forefront and to display it to other groups, other people, the public, friends, families, audiences, etc. I literally harness all of the energy that isn't mine and channel it into creative expression to demonstrate the group identity to others. Wide open G center. Think about how incredibly painful that is when there's a gap (energy leakage). So there's a gap in the spine of the Penta. There's all this pressure coming from my dormant sacral gates flowing through from every direction, I'm locked in leading through desire to express something, and then there's just a gap. Leakage. The energy forces it's way through, but does not lead to success. And this is nobody's fault. It's just the way she goes. Haha. I understand all of these mechanics intimately now and would love to share it practically with those I care for, and who care for me. Real people who see each other. I can literally break down practical situations in your life and show you mechanically, emotionally, spiritually, practically, even financially where the problem is and why, and how it could potentially be patched or otherwise dealt with, or moved on from, or just to bring clarity to you and empower you as to how this works. I'm deeply saddened that I'm ostracized in my own home (my own state) when all I've ever wanted to do was help people one on one. And now that I've had the opportunity to learn and continue learning objective practical knowledge only people online (with the exception of a few locals) want my guidance. People online see my guidance and see that it's of incredible value. I feel deeply sad about this. Because although it may or may not be correct to help those online (dependent on my process), it's not the same thing as being in a shared auric space with someone. This is spelled out in Human Design as well mechanically. It is evident. There's nothing quite like real connection. But it has to be correct. Has to be true. And so I would love to work with people locally specifically at this time, as long as my needs are understood and met for the individual service that I provide for my people. People are not definable by single qualities, single events, or single moments. They are the amalgamation of all of these qualities, which is why the study of human energetic mechanics (Human Design) is so fascinating both practically and spiritually for me. Anyway, I don't like to talk about myself much anymore. I live and love vicariously through you. This is how you grow, and how I grow by extension. I just wish there were more real people to love, correctly that is. I'm always open to correct invitations. Please don't become impatient if I don't respond. That's not how I operate. I operate on a very intimate basis. And it's not always a cakewalk for me, or the other party. Although it can be. Thank you for your patience and correctness. And for loving yourselves. That truly helps me when you love yourself. It makes me feel much safer physically and emotionally when I'm with you. I do have patience for those who are having trouble loving themselves, but it's a process that must be entered into individually and one-on-one to be overcome with trust and love. Otherwise, I'm putting myself at major risk by engaging with those who don't see me for my inherent value. Thank you for understanding. Just wrote this spontaneously and am posting right afterwards, which is how I'm designed to operate as a human being. When it is correct, it's autonomous. I'm very generous with my sharing when it's correct. And I don't have a choice in the matter either way, whether I'm trusted or not. I'm just being me. Love me or hate me. Rain or shine. I've got to be me. -Micah J
To former friends and family who may or may not be concerned that I seem disgruntled or troubled or fill-in-the-blank. And for anyone else who reads this 🙂
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